


The Residents of The Dowager Empress

by VioletAmet



Series: Capricious [8]
Category: Shadowrun: Hong Kong
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Awkward Conversations, Biology, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort, Complicated Relationships, Conversations, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Human Biology, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Light Angst, Light-Hearted, Magic and Science, Multi, Non-Explicit, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Coital Cuddling, Quiet, Sleeping Together, Slice of Life, Smoking, questionable relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2020-06-28 02:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 17,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19802842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletAmet/pseuds/VioletAmet
Summary: Even more stories of the shadowrunners that live in their comfy little bolt-hole, the Dowager Empress.Latest chapters: [Empanada] & [Stay Awake]





	1. [Silence]

Capricious' shoulders rose and fell with every slow breath she took, as she slept on Racter's chest, while he ran his fingers through her hair. Even though he is fully aware of health hazards that came from second hand smoking, he held a burning cigarette stick between his fingers, with smoke rising from the embers, to disappear into nothing. Particles of ash still lingered in the air, however, even as he flicked the stick to let the cone fall, before taking another drag.

A quiet night, he thought, compared to the noises he and Capricious made together, just moments ago. He then smirked as he ran his hand down to her bare arms. The total amount of time they had spent having sex could had been used for work instead, but he had to admit that it wasn't entirely a bad thing. It broke the monotony he was so used to before, and allowed him to let his mind wander onto other things, instead of just work.

The way the Dowager Empress creaked, as it rocked gently against the waves, was like a strange, quiet melody, that Racter had grown so used to over the past year. In a way, it was as if the ship was humming a song, with a broken voice, that still carried strength.

Racter looked down at Capricious, as she mumbled something under her breath, and shuffled in his arms. He raised a brow at the fact she actually spoke Spanish in her sleep, which made him wonder what she could possibly be dreaming about. He tried to reply to her mumbles in the same language, but he only got her to wake up to look at him in confusion, before she smiled, and pressed her face against his chest again.

He shook his head with a grin, then took another drag of the cigarette. Maybe he will ask what she had dreamt about, when the morning comes. For now, it would be best to sleep as well.


	2. [Guilt]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A half-robot nerd and a guilty one armed decker have a conversation.

Even though Racter was busy as usual, Capricious stood behind him to watch him work. The sparks from the fabricators would had hurt her eyes, if she didn't wear goggles, and kept a safe distance from it, to not get injured. Underneath it was Koschei, with parts of him getting pulled out to be replaced. Some part of her felt guilty that she couldn't save the drone during their last run, even though he has the self repair kit installed. She had thought he would have been able to last a lot longer, but the enemy was stronger.

Once the fabricators came to a stop, Racter tapped his bracer to bring up the screen and check the time. He then pulled out the green chair for Capricious to sit. "Tea?" he asked.

"Sure," she replied happily as she lowered her goggles and took her seat.

While he prepared the drink, Capricious stared at Koschei, noticing how still he was. She wanted to pet him, but since he was just put together, she didn't want to break him. Besides, Racter would no doubt kill her if she did it anyway.

He gave her a mug of tea, and pulled out a small fridge from under his desk, to take out a tray of ice cubes. Capricious never noticed that before, but her question was answered once he said, "It's a recent addition. I often forget to eat when I work, so I bought myself this to help me stash away quick meals. Some water and a box of fried tofu is enough for me, usually."

"That's... not exactly healthy, Racter."

"Don't you usually eat sweets, my friend? Chocolate, sodas, small cakes, and more?"

Capricious' lips thinned as she took three ice from the tray to drop them in the tea. "Well... it's cheap!"

"Not to mention Gobbet's mystery food, with the noodles and such."

"That's different! I can't say 'no' to free meal!"

Racter shook his head with a grin then sipped his tea. While it would normally have a bittersweet taste, instead it tasted like mint. He hummed thoughtfully as he took another sip.

"Is... Koschei going to be okay?" Capricious asked, as she sadly eyed the drone.

"Of course, my friend. Why do you ask?"

Capricious was silent as she inclined her head. "Well... I thought he would be... immortal, you know? But... he..."

Racter easily put two and two together, and replied, "Koschei is immortal, as long as I live. He may break down, or be completely destroyed, but that's natural, and I never count it as a loss. In fact, I see it as beneficial, to learn what I need to fix, to make him better. Perfect!"

He rolled the chair to get closer to Capricious, and placed his free hand on her shoulder, while he straightened out his other one to point at Koschei. "What you see before you, is a drone that has limitless possibilities, because I had created him. I know every piece of metal, every screw, every part, and as long as I keep his blueprints safe, he will always come back to life. His life is in my hands, to say the least."

"I... see," she replied, right before she sipped her tea, then cleared her throat. "I just... well, I couldn't help but feel guilty since our run. I mean, I feel like I could have done something to protect your drone."

Racter pulled his arm back to take a sip. "Guilty? Really?" He scoffed, right before he forced her chair to spin, so she could face him instead. "There is nothing for you to feel guilty about, my friend... And I'm not saying that out of kindness. While it's a natural emotion for you, you don't have to worry much about me or Koschei. I trust Koschei to protect me, as well as you and the others."

He then lunged towards the fridge, to pick up two sandwiches. "It would be best to take your mind off of it now, or else your emotions will get the best of you. Here."

Capricious reached for one of them, and placed it on the table along with the tea.

"Eat, my friend. You seem rather pale."

She looked down at the sandwich, before unwrapping it from the plastic. As soon as she sank her teeth into it, she realized that he was right. She was rather hungry today, but forgot to eat. "Thanks, Racter."

"You are welcome, my friend."


	3. [Siblings]

"You're going to break your neck, Capricious," Duncan said, as he watched her balance a skateboard on a railing.

She quickly shushed him, while trying to hold on, only to crash onto the ground hard, making her hiss in pain. It didn't help when the skateboard slammed into her rear. She started to curse Duncan out for breaking her concentration, but he snorted in response.

"You always had a hard time with balance, sis."

"Yeah, whatever, Gun Show. I swear I could last for at least three minutes, but you had to go and ruin it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to give this back to the kids." Right as she tried to get up, she collapsed again with a yelp. "My ankle...!" Duncan sighed as he carefully picked her up from the ground, and put her over his shoulder, while he lifted the skateboard with his other hand.

The kids were watching the entire time, with smiles and quiet fits of laughter. "I think your age is catching up to you, lady."

"Hey, I'm twenty-five years old, you literal children!"

Capricious let out another scream as Duncan bounced her on his shoulder. "I can't deal with kids arguing, so let's get you checked at Ambrose's," he says while walking away.

"Wait a minute, you're calling me a kid, bro?!"

"Yep."

"I take offense!"

"Well, that's what you get for trying to prove yourself to a bunch of kids, sis. And I will never let you live it down."

"What?"

Duncan pulled out his PDA to play the recording of Capricious failing at the trick, which she couldn't see, but hear.

"Oh, what the hell!? Really?!"

"Yes, really."


	4. [Out of Body]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any errors. Please feel free to correct me on them.

Capricious’ body laid on Racter’s table as still as a cadaver, as she watched him work on her cyber arm behind a screen. It felt strange to see her arm separate from the metal base in her shoulder, and taken apart piece by piece, to allow the rigger have access beneath the chrome. Every so often they met eyes, before looking back down at the arm.

His eyes shimmered in awe and curiosity on working on an awake, but mentally disconnected person. Racter had asked her how she felt when he disconnected the arm, to which she replied that it was like a strange sting, followed by something tugging it, but it didn’t pull her away from the Matrix. It was hard to explain, which he understood.

Much like her body in meatspace, her avatar is also missing an arm. It disappeared once he disconnected it, so she could only wave at him with her other one. Even though it should hurt, it didn’t, and she wasn’t sure how to explain that either.

Due to the different time flow in the Matrix and in the real world, it felt like hours until Racter was done with her arm. He carefully readjusted her body, to allow Capricious to return, and she coughed harshly thanks to her dry throat. To her surprise, he gave her a cup of water to soothe it.

“I think that was a fascinating experience, my friend,” Racter said as he cleaned up the table. “What do you think?”

Capricious slowly raised up her cybernetic arm to close and opened her hand, and stretched it out. “It... was weird, to be honest. Next time, we are sticking to anesthetics.”

He chuckled as he took her arm into his hands. “That is fair, but you were a good patient to have, and a wonderful test subject.”

She smirked. “You got me curious, Racter, so I had to do it. But, I kind of regret it.”

Racter slowly bent her arm back to her shoulder, before straightening it out. “Even so, I am thankful for your help. This is certainly something I must keep safe in my records, for the sake of our future.” He then raised her hand to his face with a smile. “And, your arm is working once again, my friend.”

“Yep!” Capricious laughed. “Thanks.”


	5. [Touches]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION: A very, very brief drabble of sensual/sexual content.

Capricious shuddered under Racter's fingers, as he gently traced her scars up to her chin. A soft sigh escaped from her as he pushed her body against the mattress beneath them, and brushed his lips gently against hers. When she opened her eyes to stare into his pale, impassive gaze, she didn't not want to look away.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, to keep him close, which made him grin. Racter planted a kiss on the nape of her neck, as he adjusted himself between her legs. Capricious giggled as she felt him tease her, since he still had pants on, while she only had her underwear.

Tonight was only meant for sensual touches and passionate kisses, which made her mind go blank.

A pleasant break away from the tedious tasks that overwhelmed her.


	6. [Lucky Chance]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION: Implied sexual content!

The scent of cigarette smoke woke Capricious up, with a thumping headache that was proof that she had a rather "pleasant" night. However, when she saw strands of gold, she rolled out of the bed in realization that she wasn't where she is supposed to be. Instead of being in the Dowager Empress, Capricious was sleeping in a hotel room, with Lucky Strike.

"Good morning," Lucky Strike greeted, as smoke poured out from her grinning lips. "Now, I'm not expecting you to stay and cuddle, since the look on your face tells me more than enough that you don't remember what happened, I do wish to say that I'd actually enjoy our time together." Lucky Strike pulled out her PDA to look over a message. "Oh, and you should hurry home. Racter had texted me recently that your brother seems upset that you have been missing the whole night, despite the fact he told him that he shouldn't worry, and that you are in good company."

Capricious chewed on her lips, realizing that Duncan is actually going to kill her, and the last person she did, was after a long night of drinking, which she hardly ever does. But, deep down in the pit of her emotions, there wasn't a single shred of regret, or even guilt. In fact, she was much more excited and giddy. Well, she thought, despite everything, at least she can go out with a smile. "Thanks, Lucky," she chirped. "I'm... going to leave now. After, I get dressed..."

"Good luck."

\---

"Boy, I haven't seen Gun Show this angry before," Gobbet whispered to Is0bel, as they stood over the railing, to see Duncan pacing back and forth in rage.

"This is Capricious, we're talking about, Gobbet." Is0bel sighed. "Leader or not, she is reckless and impulsive, and really, really gets way in over her head most of the time." She started to rub the bridge of her nose, as soon as she saw Capricious running down the street, looking even more disheveled than ever. "And I'm guessing she _really_ did have one hell of a night too."

Gobbet's lips pursed as she watched the siblings have a one sided argument. She noticed that Capricious held herself together pretty well before her brother, as he berated her for her actions, whatever they were. It wasn't until about an hour later that they finally went inside the Dowager Empress.

After a shower, Capricious laid on her bed with her PDA in hand. After checking her messages from Duncan, which was what she expected from an enraged older brother, she noticed there were images saved in a private folder. Her heart skipped a beat, but with a deep breath, she opened it to see that it was a bunch of images of herself and Lucky Strike last night.

And, much to her surprise, Racter was there as well, at least, in some of the pictures she took earlier. Unlike them, he wasn't in a drunken stupor, and had disappeared passed midnight, after a blurry image that was taken of Capricious kissing him.

Afterward, it was just her and Lucky Strike.

Fortunately, there were no recordings, or anything risque among the images. While she had the power to delete the images she took, some part of her didn't want to. So, she connected the PDA into her computer, to save the files in a separate disk, that she’d kept under tight security.

If she ever sees Lucky Strike again, there is a chance that Capricious will talk to her about last night. For now, it was better to keep it in the back of her mind.


	7. [Anxiety]

Capricious severely underestimated Gaichu's strength, as they clashed swords in an empty parking lot. It took little effort for him to disarm her, and kick the back of her foot to knock her off the ground. She quickly planted her hands on the pavement so she could flip back on her feet.

A laugh escaped from her once she stood straight. "Okay, yeah, that... that was embarrassing," she muttered.

Gaichu huffed as he picked up her sword from the ground. "Are you lying on the floor, Capricious?"

She blinked. "No... Why?"

"Then you have nothing to be ashamed of." Gaichu sheathed both of the swords, before hooking them against his waist. "You were able to save yourself at the last second, which is an impressive move overall. Not many can do the same, without further training."

Capricious smirked. "I guess I should thank Duncan for that. He was stubborn about training me himself, until things kind of hit the fan." She shrugged dismissively. "Can't blame him."

After a brief moment of silence, Gaichu asked, "Tell me, Capricious, what is it that truly bothers you?"

"What do you mean, Gaichu?" she replied with a tilt of her head.

"You've been acting up a lot more lately... Have you been thinking about your condition?"

Capricious found it difficult to swallow, as her gaze fell to the ground. "Y-yeah... I mean, I can't help but think... what if it comes back... It... really scares me..."

Gaichu approached her to place a hand on her shoulder, and gave it a firm squeeze. "I understand that it can be frightening to think of the worst of your condition, but trust me when I say, that you will be all right. You shouldn't let your apprehension take ahold of you, for your own sake."

"But... it's not just that," she sighed. "I... I don't feel like I... I... I..."

Capricious stopped stuttering as soon as Gaichu placed his clawed hand over her head. She could feel his calloused clawed fingers rub against her scalp, which soothed her. He wasn't as warm as Racter, but he was surprisingly gentle, especially for a ghoul.

"I feel confused about myself as a... person, I guess," she finally said. "So many women don't have the same problem as I do, so I kind of feel... out of place in general. I've heard mothers speak about their children, and I have seen expecting moms rubbing their bellies, while laughing about what sex their baby will be. While I've never thought of being one myself, giving my upbringing, it still bothers me that I'm lacking the most crucial part that makes me a woman. There are so many women that complain about their periods, and I am reminded that I can't bleed anymore, which to be honest, I'm entirely okay with. If I see a speck of blood, I should be worried, because that is a telling that something is wrong with me. I can't look at periods the same way ever again, after my surgery and diagnosis."

"But that doesn't make you any less of a woman, Capricious."

She sighed heavily as she kicked a pebble. "It... doesn't... but, it still bothers me. I'm fine with the fact that I don't have a uterus, but the cause is what gets me, and I'm paranoid about it. I hate it..."

"Which is why you're hoping that maybe Racter has a solution to your problem? That he could make something that will wipe away all of your worries?"

Capricious stared at Gaichu in silence for a solid minute. "I... guess so. I mean, he is a pretty smart guy, so... maybe? I haven't found anything that could relieve me of my anxiety, at least, nothing that doesn't make me even more anxious."

"Is that really the case, Capricious?" Gaichu narrowed his eyes as he drew closer to her face. She didn't move away from him, or even broke eye contact. He grinned once he noticed that Capricious wasn't afraid of him at all. "I believe you're actually much more frightened about losing another piece of yourself, instead of installing cyber." He reached towards her arm, to tap the chrome. "After all, you've already done it, so what keeps you from doing further modifications?"

Capricious flinched. She took in a deep breath, before she replied, "I guess it's the fear of losing more pieces of myself to cyber. Even if there are ways around it, I can't take the chance of being a mindless zombie. I prefer to keep my sanity, as well as everything that makes me, me." She retreated her arm to give it a firm squeeze. "This was only meant to test myself to see if I would go through with it."

"And do you regret it?"

She paused. "No, actually... No, I do not regret it."

"Good, because if you did, then you would be wallowing deeper into depression, over the fact you made a poor choice." Gaichu rolled his head from side to side, before shaking the rest of his body, as if releasing some sort of stress that kept his body bound. "Should we return to the Dowager Empress, or do you wish to do some more training?"

"Let's train, Gaichu," Capricious replied immediately with a smile. "You give me an interesting challenge, compared to Duncan's usual methods."

"Very well." He unhook the other sword to give to her. "Remember your posture, keep your weapon steady, and breathe. Let's see if you can disarm, or better yet, force me into a position that I can't win."

"Right!"


	8. [Company]

In the middle of enjoying a smoke, while leaning against the railing outside the Dowager Empress, Racter smirked as he felt Capricious arms wrapped around his torso, with her face pressed against his back. He noticed that her hands were trembling, which was a sign that she was unwell. "Shall we take a walk, my friend?"

She said nothing, but nodded.

Racter took her hand to pull them apart, then guided her down the steps, with Koschei close behind. Capricious clung onto his arm, to stay close and embrace his warmth, while her heart pounded heavily against her chest like a drum. As difficult as it was to breathe, she fought hard to take in deep breaths of fresh air that her room lacked, then slowly exhaled after holding it for a few seconds.

The world around her felt so far away, except for Racter, and to some extent Koschei. She could feel the drone's metal body brush up against her body, as if reminding her that she is indeed on Earth. It was oddly comforting to hear his limbs click against the pavement, aside from hers and Racter's footsteps. "Thank you..." she whispered.

Racter stopped to drop the cigarette and crushed it under his boot before they continued on. "It's not often that I do this, so it's a pleasant change, my friend," he replied. "Definitely allows the mind to drift off into something else, other than work."

Capricious giggled. "Since you're such a workaholic, Racter, I'd say that this is a good thing for you. But I bet that once we return to the ship, you will immediately scurry back to your workshop to light up a smoke and make some new project, if not resuming an old one."

"If no one else is going to create a better world, than I might as well do it myself, my friend. I could think of many new designs for your arm, much like I can think of several different weapons for Koschei within a short time. The process, however, can take quite a while, since I have to spend most of my time designing them until they can actually be created into a functioning device." Racter let out a wistful sigh. "I won't lie, it can be quite taxing at times, but I genuinely enjoy working. Every mistake is a lesson learned."

"Of course they are," Capricious said with a small smile, as she entwined her fingers with his. "But you know me - I can't help but worry about your health, Racter."

"And I often said you have nothing to be worried about, my friend."

She gave him a skeptical look. "When was the last time you ate?"

Racter paused. "This morning... I think. It was hard to tell what time it was..."

"How long did you sleep?"

Another pause. "You had just suffered a panic attack, so you have no place to criticize me, my friend," he avoided the question with a smile.

"Oh, I still feel it, Racter, it can't be helped! But your case can be fixed!" Capricious giggled as she pointed at a nearby diner. "Come on, I'll pay!"

Racter eyed the entrance for a moment, then huffed as he knew that it would be difficult to convince Capricious otherwise. He will never understand why she focuses so much on others, when she already has enough trouble herself. Perhaps it was best to not question it, as he followed her inside, with Koschei close behind them.


	9. [Strangeness and Charm]

Duncan huffed once he noticed that Capricious wasn't in her room, but the hatch that lead downstairs was left open. He held onto the railing tightly as he descended the stairs, to find Racter busy with his drone. When they made eye contact, Duncan couldn't shake off the all too familiar look in the rigger's eyes - cold and distant. A common trait among criminals that could never be emotionally attached to anyone.

What is it exactly that Capricious loves about this guy, he wonders.

"How may I help you, Duncan?" Racter spoke up as he leaned back into his chair.

"I'm looking for my sister," Duncan replied immediately. Unlike Capricious, he never liked being around Racter, nor did he like being in the basement for long. Something was off about a basement that looks more like a company workshop, than a part of a ship.

With an easy smile, Racter pointed at the door behind the ork. "She is in there. Hasn't come out for some time, I think."

Duncan let out a low growl as he approached the door. After a few knocks, Gaichu answered, "Come in."

Duncan opened it to see that Capricious was sleeping on the ghoul's lap, while he ran his clawed fingers through her hair. Great, Duncan thought, another person that is exploiting Capricious' weakness. He sighed heavily as he walked up to them and knelt down. "I'll take her to her room," he said in an almost whisper. "Thanks... for watching over her."

Gaichu bowed deeply in response once Capricious was lifted in Duncan's arms. "It's of no problem whatsoever." He paused. "But, I understand your apprehension when it comes to your sister's safety, Duncan."

Duncan glared at Gaichu in silence for a solid minute. How can a blind ghoul sense something is wrong, he wondered, then looked at Capricious as she rubbed her cheek against her brother's chest.

He then realized he will never understand what goes through Capricious' mind at all. Being the leader of the group, she made the choice to have both Racter and Gaichu come along for the ride, and never seemed to regret it. As he made his way upstairs, Duncan reflect back on their previous runs, and how comfortable Capricious was in both men's presence.

Sure, she got along with the girls as well, and Duncan is aware that she cares about him too, but it's obvious that she prefers the company of the rigger and the ghoul more than Duncan himself.

A sigh escaped from him as he laid Capricious down on her bed, and pulled the covers over her sleeping body.

She is an idiot, he thought, but not ignorant. Capricious knows what she is doing.


	10. [Strained]

Knowing where Capricious is, always depends if the hatch is open or not. If it's not, Duncan leaves the ship for a few hours, and if it is, he stays. Today, fortunately, it was open, but she wasn't in the basement this time. To his surprise, he found her in her room, lounging on her bed with a book in hand. "How many times have you read 'Journey to the West', Cap?" he asked, which made her grin.

"That's not really a question, is it?" she answered, as she slipped a bookmark between the pages before shutting it.

Duncan forced out a chuckle as he sat down on her bed. "No... Not really," he huffed. Capricious noticed his hands balled up into fists, and his shoulders tense up.

"You want a talk," she pointed out, while she planted her feet on the carpet beneath them.

Duncan kept his eyes down as he raised his fists up to his chin. "Cap-" he paused to clear his throat, "Carmen... Do you really see yourself doing this sort of thing for the rest of your life?"

It's rare for Duncan, or anyone for that matter, except Raymond, to call Capricious by her first name. The only time she ever hears it, is when she gets into deep trouble. This time, however, it seems that they were going to have a very serious discussion. She inhaled deeply. "Honestly? I do."

Duncan shut his eyes, letting her answer linger in the air. "Why?"

"Because this is where my life has come to, Duncan, and it's out of my power. I could spend my energy wishing that things were different, or if some sort of miracle of getting out would suddenly land on my lap, but so far, I see no hint of escape here." Capricious shrugged. "But, I can't deny my feelings; I love being a shadowrunner. Sure, we are nothing more than criminals that get paid for hurting others, but it's... better than what I had been through."

"What do you mean by that, Carmen?"

"We were street kids, fighting to survive, Duncan," she replied instantaneously. "We grew up together on the streets, picking fights, and collecting scraps to stay alive, until Raymond brought us in. I was thankful for it, but he was way too strict with his rules. I may had studied what I can from him, but it was too much for me over the years. My patience was wearing thin by the end. Not only did I have to deal with Catherine's abuse, I had to listen to you and Raymond arguing, which pushed me over the edge. I couldn't take it out on either of you, so I went after Catherine instead, and you know how well that went, since you couldn't contact at me for about eight years."

Duncan lowered his head with a scowl. "But you... escaped from prison, Carmen..."

Capricious froze up when she remembered that. The memories were still fresh, and it was difficult to accept them. Some part of her couldn't help but wonder how true they really were. A heavy sigh passed her lips. "I know I did... Those... I..." she stopped for a moment. "I don't know what to think, to be honest... But... I guess that... some part of me did not let go... of my time as a shadowrunner... so... it's muscle memory... or something... I don't know..."

Duncan slowly shook his head with thinned lips. "Carmen," he spoke up in a rough tone, to grab her attention again, "do you still trust me?"

"Yeah... Why?"

"Then why not go to me for help? Or even Is0bel or Gobbet? Why do you like hanging with those two... men downstairs?"

"Are you... jealous?" Capricious asked, almost dumbfounded.

"Just answer me, please."

Capricious pursed her lips and chewed on her inner cheek. After a moment, she replied, "Racter challenges me with moral questions, and scientific topics, and I like talking to Gaichu about philosophy and history. With you, I can take things easy, and never have to put up a front, because I know you, Duncan. Again, we grew up together. The girls are not bad company to have, either, but Is0bel is distant, and Gobbet makes me laugh, but doesn't always take things all that seriously."

"Is that really it?"

She thought her answer over, then nodded. "Pretty much. I mean, you do know that I am sleeping with Racter, right? There is no need to bring that up."

Duncan shuddered in disgust as he buried his face into his hands. "Please, don't talk to me about that, sis. I never feel comfortable whenever you two are together, and I hate it when you both whisper to each other during runs. I can't help but think that maybe you two did something in the middle of jobs."

Capricious fidgeted as she reached to her book.

Duncan then got up to leave, and shut the door behind him.

Capricious couldn't help but burst out into laughter. "I'm sorry!" she shrieked with reddened cheeks. "I swear I didn’t! You just put that image in my head!”

Duncan shook his head with a scowl. At least their conversation made the weight on his shoulder feel a little lighter, despite how they ended it.


	11. [A Restless Night]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple conversation, turns into an heated one, firing up Capricious' desires.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING/CAUTION:** Heavy Sensual/Sexual Content, Possessive Behavior, OOCness, Jealously. Even though I try to write it off as consensual, please turn away if it makes you uncomfortable!
> 
> Writing because I can't sleep, and can't sleep because I want to write. Funny how that made me write this, eh? Anyway, sorry for any errors, gonna fix it asap with a clearer mind. I'm like.... super sleepy atm.

The smell of cigarette smoke disturbed Capricious, but laying in Racter's arms won against her desire to scuttle back to her room. Besides, it's not like they do this often anyway, so she preferred to stay with him while he still had free time.

Which made her curious about Racter's schedule in general. "You don't sleep, right?" she asked all of a sudden, while playing a game on her PDA.

Racter blinked, then grinned as he took a drag of the cigarette. "I do sleep, my friend, but not the usual six to eight hours the average adult is supposed to get."

"Of course you don't," she huffed. "Did you pick this habit when you became a shadowrunner, or...?"

There was a brief pause. "I honestly don't remember," he finally answered.

"Really?"

"Honestly. It may had started around the time I started to work as a roboticist, or perhaps, I developed insomnia while I was young. I can't exactly pinpoint it, only because I never gave it much thought. The more time I spent working, the less time I spent sleeping." Racter shrugged dismissively. "Why do you ask?"

Capricious sighed as she shut off her PDA, to climb on top of him with a grin, despite Koschei's whirs from under his table. "Because I'm worried about you, Racter. You may not be able to sympathize or even empathize with others, but I do. I've learned about how lack of sleep may affect your mind and body in different ways, that it may kill you sooner, rather than later, and I'd prefer to keep you around for a little while longer." She giggled as she ran her thumb over his chin as he took another drag. "Not to mention you're basically already killing yourself with cigarettes."

Puffs of smoke escaped from Racter's lips as he laughed. "Even if you're right, my friend, you know what they say - old habits die hard." He then lifted his other hand to brush his fingers over her tattooed cheeks. "But I don't believe that you're just saying that out of the kindness of your heart, my friend."

Capricious giggled as she melted in his hand. "Why, Racter?"

"Because, I'm the only person that you can rely on, to relieve yourself of burning desire."

"Oh?" Capricious cooed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you sure? Because, if I remember correctly, I did have a pretty good time with Lucky Strike."

Koschei snapped his limbs against the metal floor, once Racter sat up to press Capricious against his body. She let out a quiet squeak when she noticed how close their lips were, and how quickly her body burned with desire as she gazed into his cold eyes. There was a hint of some sort of emotion, maybe rage or jealousy, behind Racter's icy exterior, but Capricious wasn't one hundred percent sure.

It made her lips part into a wicked smile. "What's wrong?" she purred in an almost whisper.

Racter stared into her dilated pupils, then inhaled the smoke one last time, before crushing it into the ashtray beside them. The dark cloud poured out from his mouth, briefly touching Capricious face, until it disappeared into nothing, and all that was left behind, was a predatory grin. "Ever since that night, Lucky Strike has been sending me messages about how she wanted to keep you to herself, and how much better off you are without us..."

In one swift movement, Racter forced Capricious on her back, which made her smile even wider. "I don't want her to even get a hint of satisfaction, that you had a good time with her," he huffed. "So, with your consent, I hope to pleasure you in a way she can't... and possibly make my mark somewhere on your body, as a reminder..."

Ah, how his words added more fuel to the fire, Capricious thought, as she tried to stifle a laugh. "I didn't think of you as the possessive, or even jealous, type, Racter! But hey... if you want to then, sure!" She lifted one leg over his waist. "First things first, though, you better stop when I tell you, okay?"

Racter grinned. "Of course, my friend."

"Second, you're free to make your mark, but! How exactly? You know my body is marked with scars."

Racter paused as he eyed her chest. Then grinned. "I know exactly where, my friend, but Koschei will be the one to give to you, if you don't mind."

Capricious looked behind him, to see the drone trembling in anticipation. "That's fine, as long as I don't get maimed, okay?"

"It will be difficult to hold him back, since he is already so agitated, but I shall do my best. Are you still okay with the idea?"

She giggled. "Of course... Now..." Capricious lifted her other leg to trap Racter. "Since you don't seem like you're going to sleep anytime soon, you better make it good, Racter."

He scoffed. "Have I ever disappointed you before, my friend?"

"No... but... you always seem like you're holding yourself back... So... I don't mind if you are rougher than usual this time."

Racter stared into Capricious eyes, sparkling with excitement. He chuckled at the sight, before pressing against her lips. "Very well, my friend... Shout at me if I've gone overboard."

"Of course..." she breathed, already high from the kiss.


	12. [Partners]

As the fabricators came to a stop, Capricious walked down the stairs with a limp, thanks to the “mark” that Racter had left behind, after their previous night together. Koschei perked up at the sound of her steps, and quickly made his way to her to click his limb in front of her, as a way to greet her. She cooed at the sight of him, and wiggled her fingers before his sensors, before giggling.

"Good evening, my friend," Racter spoke up, catching her attention. "I trust that you've been well."

"More or less," she sighed with a lopsided grin. "Duncan wasn't happy when he saw the gauze. I swear, I thought I'd read his mind, and saw the many ways he could kill you, and Koschei, over and over, in a span of a minute." Capricious shrugged dismissively. "I also told him that I had consented to the idea; that I'm okay, and that he really has no say in what I do... which definitely pushed him over the edge enough, to make the ship rumble on his way out this morning... I think he is still trying to... ‘catch some fresh air.’" she said, while making the quotation marks sign.

A thoughtful hum rumbled in Racter's throat, as he lit up a cigarette with a butane torch. "Were you always such a troublemaker, my friend?"

Capricious smirked. "I can't say... but, I definitely will admit that I may have given some people a hard time... like my dad... But, that's mostly because he was very strict."

"Did you ever get punished for your actions?"

"Oh, yeah, I did. Not only did I get scolded for breaking his rules, but I was often forced to do some chores around the house, like fixing the roof or a broken pipe. He always watched me like a hawk, and any wrong move could lead to another three hour session, about what's wrong with me, and what I could do to better myself." Capricious paused as she held herself against the railing, so she can lessen the weight on her left leg. "I had sometimes heard him mutter about my potential, and how he doesn't want me to throw it all away. How Duncan and I have potential for a bright future... but, that... I don't know."

Capricious huffed as she shook her head. "Raymond was a very tough nut, and may have had his reasons to treat us as he did, but it doesn't excuse his actions. Duncan and I were just kids, after all, and the more things heated up at the house, the more I wanted to run away from it all..." She snickered. "I suppose I got what I wanted, by being thrown into prison."

"But your experience there was much more harsh, wasn't it?"

"'Harsh' wouldn't be how I would describe it..." she sighed. "I don't think calling it 'Hell' works either..." She then shook her head with a forced smile. "I... really don't want to talk about it anymore..."

Racter nodded with an easy smile, then took a drag of the cigarette. "Shall we clean your wound instead?" he asked, while pointing at the gauze.

"If you can..."

He waved at her to come close, as he pulled out her green chair. "It would be for the best that we move on from such topics, anyway. No point in thinking about bittersweet childhood memories."

"I know..." She took her seat, and watched him as he moved to kneel before her. "But, it feels good to talk about it, sometimes..."

Koschei pulled out a first aid kit from his compartment, to give to Racter, as he started to undress the wound, careful to not burn her with his cigarette. "I take it that they feel like a burden to you, then?"

Capricious shrugged. "When I think too much about how much of a disaster my life was... and is..." She inclined her head as she saw the stitches that kept her jagged wound together. “But, it’s not all bad...”

Racter smirked as he propped open the kit, and took out a disinfectant to pour on a rag. "Are you telling me that, you regret consenting to my idea, about making my mark on your body, my friend?”

Capricious giggled with a shake of her head. "That’s obviously not the case, Racter, and you know that! Stop teasing me, by testing me!”

She suddenly hissed in pain as soon as he pressed the rag against her wound. Racter's predatory smile did not escape her, which amused her, despite the discomfort. "Testing someone - especially you- is quite fun, honestly," he replied. "You should be familiar with the fact that people tend to hide their true colors, even in front of those they claim to love the most. Since the first time you pointed out that I 'persuaded' you to allow me to join your crew, I couldn't help but wonder how far our partnership will go..."

He chuckled briefly as he placed the rag back in the kit, and pulled out a fresh gauze. "To be quite honest, I didn't expect that sex would be involved at all."

"What do you mean by that?"

Racter paused as he secured the gauze in place, then looked up into her eyes. He inhaled smoke deeply into his lungs, before he answered, "I did not believe you at first when you said you thought of me as your friend, despite my condition. But, it became clear to me that you were true to your word, the more time you spend with me, as well as with Gaichu. I could see the way your eyes shine in our presence, as well as how you act around Koschei. Then, you confessed that you had feelings for me..."

He broke eye contact to roll up the old gauze together with the rag, and stuffed it into the first aid kit to throw it away later. "To say the least, it was... difficult to understand why you feel this way... and even now, I still don't understand, despite our trysts." Racter shrugged as he returned to the table. "At the end of the day, however, I accepted that this is where our relationship now stands, and that I'm okay with it, as long as it doesn't interfere with my work. Otherwise, well... we would need to have a talk about it."

Capricious stared at him with a slight tilt of her head. "I... see." She hummed. "Well, I can't argue with that, since it's harder to explain all the little details about emotions, and we don't have time for that, do we?"

He shrugged. "I'd rather work, instead of talking about those said details, my friend."

Her lips curled into a smirk as she turned the chair to face him. "Can't lie, Racter, it does pain me that we can't connect the same way... but, we _are_ friends, right?"

Racter chuckled. "I believe we are... a bit more than that, my friend."

Capricious threw her head back with a snort. "What are we then?"

"I think that depends on what we both choose... Are we simply 'friends with benefits,' or are we 'lovers'?"

Capricious' brows furrowed as she shut her eyes tight. "What about... 'partners'? It can be a rather broad term, and isn't as strong as 'lovers,' nor is it as simple as 'friends,' but may definitely carry some of that 'friends with benefits' tone to it, depending on the context."

"’Partners’..." Racter repeated, which left a small smile on his lips. "I suppose 'partners' will do, my friend."

"Awesome! Great!" Capricious clasped her hands together. "Good... Now... Do you mind if I stay for a bit?"

"Why?" he asked with a raised brow.

"Because I think I hear Duncan's footsteps coming closer from the distance, and I am not ready to deal with him again anytime soon."


	13. [Surprised]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something short and sweet for Carmen. Been a bit since I wrote anything properly for the SRHK crew.

On their way back to Heoi, after a harsh run that had left everyone off with more than just scrapes and bruises, Capricious tried to fight off the exhaustion that plagued her, until she collapsed on Duncan's shoulder. He looked down at her with weary eyes, before he held her in a tight hug. He muttered something under his breath that caught Gaichu's attention, despite the screeching sound of the train tracks overwhelming his senses.

\---

Capricious woke up feeling rather sore, but she was happy that her and her crew were still alive, somehow. It was better than being dead, she thought, as she slowly crawled out of bed to use the bathroom.

Shortly after cleaning herself up, she stepped out of her room to be greeted by Koschei. She gave the drone a confused look, especially when he started to tap his limb against the ground. Even though he may lack a face, Capricious learned what sort of signals he gives to tell what he is trying to say.

He wants her to follow him, she believed, so she did, right outside the Dowager Empress.

"Surprise!" Gobbet shouted, right as she tackled Capricious into a tight hug. "Another day to celebrate!"

That made Capricious even more confused, until she saw Duncan approaching her with a cake in his hands, holding burning candles. She looked between it and him for a moment as it started to sink in, and she raised her hand up to her face in shock, as tears welled up in her eyes. Gobbet couldn't help but chuckle as she rubbed her back with a lopsided smile.

"Happy birthday, Carmen," Duncan said, as he held it out to her while the others crowded around her. "You deserve to have your day."

"Th-thanks, Duncan..." she sobbed as she gave him the widest smile she could muster.


	14. [Second Guessing]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **CAUTION:** Sensual/sexual themes. Nothing too explicit but groping does happen. Just a heads up.

"There is something you want to talk to me about," Racter pointed out, as he gazed into Capricious' dark eyes, that are filled with some sort of emotion that he isn't sure of. He sucks on the cigarette as she tries to let out a deep breath that she was holding.

"Y-yes," she replied with a slow nod. "It's just that... I can't help but... think... Well, no... I mean, second guess things, like our relationship. I don't mean to, but I... well... Ugh..." Capricious stopped to think over her words, only to say, "It's... difficult to explain..."

Racter smirked at how she stood before him, twiddling her fingers while trying to look at anything else in the workshop to avoid eye contact. Koschei was no help, when he crawled out from underneath the table to stand beside the rigger. Staring at him was just like staring at Racter, and it made Capricious feel so much more vulnerable than she already is.

"Are you questioning my loyalty, my friend?" Racter asked with a smirk, catching her attention.

"Uh? Oh, ah... No... Not... No..."

"Then what is it that you are trying to say?"

Capricious opened her mouth, then shut it when her mind couldn't form a decent sentence. What's wrong with her, she wondered as she shifted from one leg to the other nervously.

It was starting to get on Racter's nerves, even though his easy smile may say otherwise. "Come here, my friend."

Capricious blinked, before she shuffled her feet to get closer. "Yeah...?"

As he brought the cigarette to his lips, he cupped her chin with his other hand to lift her head up. Even though she tried to avert her gaze, Racter moved her head around to force her to look at him directly. "You often questioned me about how I think and feel about you, and each time, I told you that I enjoy your company in some way. Our trysts should be proof enough that I certainly don't mind entertaining you in that way either, but it's obvious there is some uncertainty in your mind. So, tell me, my friend, what is it that bothers you exactly, so you can no longer worry about me."

"Some part of me feels that I am not worthy of love or trust," Capricious blurted out, with his shirt in her grasp. "I've been hurt before, but you haven't done that... yet..."

Racter took one last drag of the cigarette, before crushing it into the ashtray on the table. As he breathed out the smoke, it danced between them, suffocating her while he basked in it with a grin. "I see no reason to hurt you, my friend, since you been kind to me. You are still a reliable and trustworthy ally, that I enjoy talking to."

"Because I'm a soundboard," she quipped, which made him laugh.

"You should know that you are more to me than that, Capricious. You are... my partner."

Capricious blinked, but didn't move as Racter started to brush his knuckles over her cheek. His warmth put her at ease enough to cease her rapid beating heart and her crazed mind. Capricious reached up to pull him close enough to plant a kiss, which Koschei responded with an alarmed beep.

It was enough to make her giggle and step back. "I'm... sor-" Racter interrupted her mid sentence to give her a passionate kiss.

"No need to hold yourself back, my friend," he said once he backed away.

Her eyes shimmered in glee as she embraced him, right before they locked lips again. Once they broke it to breathe, Capricious whispered, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, my friend... but, do remember, when you feel uncertain, there is a reason why there is that mark on your thigh."

Ah, right, she thought, the "mark". How could she forget that.

"Now, then, I think your clothes are a bit too tight on you... Shall I...?" Racter teased her by tugging the waistband of her leggings. Blood rushed up to her face as she slowly nodded.

"S-sure..."

"Good," he breathed, as he slid his hand beneath the band. "Very good..."


	15. [Food For The Leader]

Duncan didn't expect to see Capricious wrap herself up with blankets, looking like some sort of humanoid caterpillar that exposes her face, but the moment she sneezed three times in a row, he understood. A low hearty chuckle escaped from him as he walked into her room to try to free her from the cocoon, which she fought back against by wriggling away from him. "No..." she groaned, "I feel cold..."

"This isn't good for you, Carmen," he replied sternly. "Let your body breathe, and let's get something for you to eat and drink. You will be better in no time, once you do."

"No..." she drawled out again, before sniffing. "Leave me alone...!"

Duncan shook his head with a huff, before he picked Capricious up from her bed, to take her to the kitchen, where he plopped her on the couch. She didn't have the strength to fight back, but she was willing to roll off the couch to crawl back to her room.

But the moment the ship rumbled, and the sound of metal on metal screeching filled the air, she stopped and looked at the hatch. Capricious slowly unwrapped herself from the blanket, but kept it on to try to take a peek into the basement.

"Do you want to go down there?" Duncan asked, in a surprisingly calm manner.

"No," Capricious replied as she backed away. "I know when to not disturb Racter, and besides, he will only politely ask me to leave once he knows I'm sick." She rubbed the sheet over her nose as she sniffed. "That man puts his work first, no matter what."

"Right..." Duncan took out a pot to pour in some water, then some noodles along with pieces of tofu and herbs. As he mixed in the ingredients, Capricious laid back down on the couch to rest her head.

The sound of the boiling pot had allured Gobbet from upstairs, and once she knew about Capricious state, decided to help Duncan cook. The two argued for a little while about her skills, and how it could kill Capricious, which is the opposite of what Duncan wants. Capricious brought up that she really didn't mind allowing Gobbet to help, because who knows, maybe her unique skills in the kitchen can knock the cold out.

Or Capricious herself. Whatever works so she could go back to her room as soon as possible.

That only lead to another argument between the orks, which turned into a battle of sharing the same pots, and mixing ingredients. Capricious decided to just sleep during the chaos, until Duncan woke her up to give her two bowls of soup. One that seems properly cooked, with pieces of tofu mixed in with noodles and vegetables, and the other looking like someone decided to leave feathers in, along with the leg of whatever flying animal it belonged to, mixed in with the noodles and strange looking soup.

Well, whatever, she thought, as she picked up the horrendous bowl first. If she dies, she dies. It will be a better fate than being sick.

As she expected, the taste was very bitter and salty, which left her with a dry mouth. After begging for water, Duncan placed down a pitch for her to chug, before she continued to eat.

Taste buds be damned on this night of two free meals, Capricious thought, as she continued to eat.

It wasn't long after she finished off both bowls that Capricious found herself in the bathroom for a good few hours. The fact that she is alive, and no longer is suffering from a cold, is all well and good, but that didn't mean she is willing to eat anything else that the orks prepared anytime soon.

Fortunately, Is0bel has brought medication for her to get better as soon as possible. There were no words that needed to be exchanged, since it was clear that Is0bel had been in Capricious’ place once before. What gave it away was that it was a special brand of medication, which cost Is0bel quite a lot, but it was better than suffering from stomach cramps.


	16. [Pet Name]

"Good afternoon, my friend," Racter greeted Capricious as she descended the stairs. "How may I entertain you today?"

"I'm surprised to see you're not working," she pointed out as she approached him with a smirk.

"I need a time to rest my mind from work, and I knew that you would be stopping by eventually." He tapped the cigarette stick to let the cone of ash crumble. "Good to know that I was correct."

Capricious snort. "Are you trying to keep track of me, Racter?"

"Perhaps," he replied with a grin. "You tend to come in at rather inconvenient times, my friend."

Whether he was joking or not, Capricious couldn't help but laugh in return. "Well, excuse me for being rude. So, what have you been doing today?"

"Aside from work on Koschei, I've been thinking of ways I could help you with your cyber." Racter took Capricious' arm to look it over. He didn't miss the spark in her eyes as soon as he touched her, before she turned away with her head slightly lowered. "I assume that the claws have become dull, as well as that implant that creates the whip."

"I... haven't noticed," she replied as she turned her hand so he could run his index finger over her palm. A shiver ran down her spine as a gasp escaped from her lips. Capricious started to curse at herself from how needy she felt all of a sudden.

Racter chuckled as he kept his gaze on her arm. He tested her strength by curling her fingers and bending them backwards, then squeezed them before getting squeezed in return. Capricious' arm was still in good condition, but it could be better, he thought. "Come here, my friend," he spoke to her, while Koschei pushed out her green chair from underneath the table. "Sit."

"Wait, you want to do this now?"

"Now is the perfect time, Capricious... but, I suppose it is rather rude of me to not ask you if you wish to do this."

Capricious blinked in confusion before she made up her mind on the spot. "I might as well get an upgrade while I'm here... but, is there anything you need in return?"

His lips curled and parted to flash his strong white teeth. "I am willing to accept payment for the time being, until I can think of something better." He then pulled out a box of tools from under his desk, along with his chair. "It may take months to fulfill your end of the bargain, just so you know, my friend."

"Considering how much this arm cost me, I am not surprised, Racter," she replied. "Anyway, are you going to put me to sleep, or...?"

"Would you like to be?"

Capricious paused to think it over. "Just... drug me up, babe."

Racter stopped to give Capricious a quizzical look, while Koschei beeped and whirr under the desk. "Pardon?"

She let out a bashful chuckle as she repeated the phrase in her own head. "Uh... Sorry, I didn't mean-... I mean... I didn’t think before I spoke, so that came out of nowhere... I had meant to say that I'm okay with using some sort of drug to help me sleep through it, since it does take a long time... And I really don’t want to feel pain either..."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, I promise."

The silence between them lingered, until Racter broke it with a brief laugh. One that caught Capricious completely off guard.

"Tell me, my friend, did you ever call your former lovers as 'babe' before? Or is it just me?" he asked as he picked up a vice to place her arm into.

Capricious pursed her lips while the vice tightened to keep it in place, then cleared her throat to speak. "No... Even though... I have to admit, I did... think about it... but, you know how those relationships went..." Once he finished securing the arm, Racter took out a bottle with a few pills left inside. "So you're the first one to be called that."

"I see..." He opened the bottle to take out a single round pill, and gave it to Capricious. Her throat felt too dry to swallow it, so he gave her a bottle of water from the mini fridge next to his chair.

"You still have that fridge?" she asked once she took the pill.

"Yes, but forget about it for now, my friend - I wish to ask you something."

"Okay... What is it?"

"Did you like it when you called me that?"

Capricious found herself at a loss for words, as her cheeks reddened, and her heart thumped. Racter may had been teasing her for his own amusement, but it didn't make her feel any less ashamed.

It wasn't long until she felt the drug kick in, and would have fallen over if Racter didn't help her get comfortable. With her head on a pillow, and his jacket wrapped around her body, he started to work on her cyber, while quietly humming a melody.

As time went on, Capricious would stir, but never woke up. After he was done, Racter allowed her to sleep on his bed.

"Babe," he repeated to himself as he tucked her in. A silly nickname that is meant to show affection. As endearing as it is, Racter had ideas about using it against Capricious in someway for a little while.


	17. [Bittersweet Lifestyle Part I]

It felt unreal to act as if she was just another civilian, but Capricious had to keep it up for the sake of their job. While she had dinner with a businessman, the others, Duncan, Gobbet, and Is0bel, kept watch on the other side of the room, in a table covered in a variety of rich meals. There was this heavy tension in the air, even though it didn't stop Gobbet from eating.

To see his sister all dolled with a long one sleeved dress, and caked in make-up, to cover the tattoos and scars, was unreal to Duncan. It also worried him, since she could not only have any sort of weapon on her, but also had to keep her cyber hidden, so she wouldn’t blow up her cover.

At least everything seems to be going well so far, Duncan thought. But, watching Capricious pretend to be someone else felt strange. While he knows that she is the same person that he grew up with on the streets, fighting tooth and nail to survive, on the surface she looked so different, he had a hard time seeing her as Capricious, or even Carmen Santos.

This person that is chewing the fat with some man is someone completely different.

Someone that has lived a better life compared to her old one.

What Carmen could have been, if she didn't seek revenge all those years ago.

"She will be all right, you know..." Is0bel spoke up. "We got her back."

Duncan glanced at her then to the plate before him. He huffed out a heavy sigh as he picked up the chopsticks on the side. "I only hope she doesn't screw it up..." he mumbled.

The run was a success for the group. Capricious was able to convince the man to allow her to stay at his place, but he instead got drugged by Buddy II on their way there. While Duncan and Gobbet tied the man up to put him in the back of a van, Is0bel watched Capricious play with the scorpion shaped drone. It crawled down from her shoulder, to her palm, and pinched her cybernetic finger so she could swing it back and forth.

Capricious couldn't help but giggle as Buddy crawled its way back up to hide beneath her dress. "Such a good little buddy," she cooed.

"Uh... yeah... sure..." Is0bel murmured then cleared her throat. "You didn't tell us you had that thing with you."

"Wait, what? Really?" Capricious blinked in confusion. "I guess I was so anxious about this job, it slipped my mind..."

"It's a really strange drone, Cap. Where did you get it?"

"Oh, I made it with Racter's help. It's... named after the old Buddy. I know, it's... weird to name it... after what had happened with my ex, but... Buddy II is... different. I... don't know how to explain it."

Is0bel frowned slightly as she brushed her hair over her shoulder. "You don't have to, Cap. I just wanted to know."

Capricious chuckled, while Buddy peeked over her shoulder to look at Is0bel. "Ah, okay. I'm actually glad I brought Buddy with me this time. He- I mean -  _ it _ \- has been collecting dust in my room, since I've been scared of breaking it. I don't want to bother Racter about helping me rebuild it over and over, since he may already has enough on his hands building Koschei. It would be a waste of time and resources, I'd think..."

Is0bel hummed lowly. "I... see..."

"Hey!" Gobbet shouted at them. "We should get going before this guy wakes up!"

"All right!" Is0bel shouted back. "Let's go, Capricious."

Capricious gave her a firm nod before she followed her to the van.

\---

"Who's a good drone?" Capricious purred to Buddy as it pinched the air. "You are, Buddy! You're a good drone!"

"What the hell...?" Duncan spoke aloud, catching her by surprise.

"Oh, hey, bro!" She laughed. "Can’t a girl be proud of her drone?"

"It's not a dog, Capricious. Hell, drones can’t even feel emotions, so it is nothing more than a machine."

"Koschei doesn’t count," she whispered to herself.

"What?"

"Never mind," she answered with a shake of her head. "Anyway, how are you doing, Duncan?"

Duncan huffed as he stepped inside her room. "Actually, Carmen... I wanted... to ask you something."

Capricious began to pet Buddy as she told him, "Shoot."

"Do you-..." Duncan paused to rethink his words. "Do you ever think about what your life could have been, if you didn't go after Catherine, Carmen?"

That question stunned Capricious for a moment. Where did this question come from, she wondered, and didn’t they discuss this before? "Um... Well..." she started, "I can't say that I haven't... Hell, I even dreamed about it... but..."

Duncan waited for her to continue, except she didn't. "But what, Carmen?"

Capricious took in a deep breath, taking in the stuffy scent of sweat and dust in her room. If only there was a window here to help her breathe a little easier and think. "Nothing would had changed. I think we have talked about this before... That, no matter what I would've done, we would still be here in Hong Kong because of Raymond and that whole Walled City incident. But, I guess, I still can't help but think about if things were different. If I had a chance at a... 'normal' life. Would I be married? Had a kid or two? Maybe have some sort of dog or cat thrown in the mix? Have some sort of... 'idealized' family?" She stopped to lean back into her chair to stare at an invisible horizon stretched out far beyond her. "I think I would have had some sort of successful career if I’d cared enough. Live a rich and fulfilling life and all that."

Then a scoff escaped from her. "But, it doesn't matter." Capricious stood up from her chair and picked Buddy up from the table. "I did what I did, we are where we are, and most importantly, we're alive. Sure, we are living a very dangerous life, but it's nothing new. Well, to me at least. Surviving is certainly not an ideal lifestyle, but I've grown used to it. I think, if things turned out differently, I will never get used to that new life... but... we will never know, would we?"

As she laid back on her bed and played with Buddy some more, Duncan walked up to her with his arms across his chest. "When you were having dinner with that guy yesterday... did you ever think that that could have been you at some point?"

She turned to him with a slight frown. "No."

"Right..." Duncan shut his eyes tight, as his expression twisted into disgust from a rather unpleasant thought. "Do you... do you think you’ll... ugh..." he growled. "I can't even ask  _ that _ question without wanting to throw up."

"Ask what, Duncan?"

He rolled his head from side to side, before dropping it. "You and that... Russian... Do you ever..." he still couldn't bring himself to finish his question, but Capricious caught on immediately.

And grinned in utter amusement and delight. "If we would ever get married... Huh... Now I'm beginning to wonder if he would count as your brother-in-law, Duncan, since you're my step-brother," she purred, which made him growl in anger.

"Don't start with that crap, Cap." Duncan started to rub his forehead to ease his stress somewhat. "I can't stand the idea of you and him in some... altar... and... ugh..."

Capricious burst out into laughter for a solid minute. "Oh my God, Duncan! That's so dumb! I have to ask Racter now!"

"No!" Duncan shouted at her, which only made her laugh harder. "God...  _ damn  _ it, Capricious..."

"Sorry, sorry!" she breathed. "Besides, I'd prefer a shotgun wedding than anything. It's simple, probably cheap, and I don't think it even counts without the proper set-up. But, like an 'ideal' life, it will never happen."

"I hope it stays that way," he huffed. "Anyway, I'm going to go do some exercise, and forget this conversation ever happened. Don't you dare bring this up ever, okay, Cap?"

"I'll try, but no promises, Duncan," she purred with a wink.


	18. [Bittersweet Lifestyle Part II]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeesh, this one has not been well written I believe, but I have tried to fix it. Hm.

As soon as Capricious planted her feet on the metal floor, Koschei turned to her with an inquisitive whir. Realizing it was just her, he calmed down and chirped when she petted his chassis. "Hello, Koschei," she greeted him with a smile. "And hello to you too, Racter."

The rigger didn't turn away from his computer, but did give her a small wave as he greeted her in return. "Hello, my friend - give me one moment, I'm almost done."

"Sure." While he tapped away on the keyboard, Capricious decided to examine Koschei to see if there were any changes done to him again. On the surface, he seemed pretty much the same, however, looking at his limbs, she noticed that they had become slightly thicker. Koschei stayed as still as possible to allow her to run her cybernetic hand over them slowly. Even though she knows how vicious the drone is, he always seemed rather calm outside of their jobs, which means that Racter was doing well restraining him.

Capricious started to wonder about how much Koschei is a test of Racter's own patience and impulse. Probably a lot more than she thinks, but she may never really know, unless Racter and her do some tests.

The sound of the butane torch flickering on caught Capricious' attention. She turned to the rigger with a smile as he lit up a cigarette. "How's work?" she asked.

"It's going well, my friend," he replies, letting out puffs of smoke. "I've touched up on Koschei's weaponry, as you may have noticed. I've not tested it, yet, but it should be an improvement." Racter turned to her with a satisfied smile, exposing a bit of his strong white teeth.

"I guess we just have to wait and see, don't we?" Capricious giggled as she approached him. "Anyway, have you ate, Racter?"

He shrugged as he leaned back into his chair. "I can't say I remember, but you have nothing to worry about, my friend." He then reached out to the mini-fridge under his desk. "I already prepared my meals."

"Really now?"

Racter nodded as he opened it up, only to see that there was nothing inside.

Capricious couldn't help but laugh as he shut it close with an impassive look.

Once she calmed down into a sigh, she said, "Come on, let's go upstairs."

Racter huffed as he slowly stood up and followed her. He didn't expect to see that there already was a pot on the stove, and two bowls beside it. His lips twitched as he sat down. "I see that you’ve decided to cook today," he pointed out.

"Yeah..." she laughed. "Duncan helped me make today's meal. Everyone, except you, already ate, and Gaichu doesn't seem interested in noodles." Capricious poured the noodles with tofu and pieces of egg into a bowl, then placed it on the table with a pair of chopsticks. "If you want, we can go shopping later to refill your refrigerator."

"If I don't suffer from food poisoning, my friend," he joked, making her laugh again.

"Have a bit of faith, Racter," she replied as she gently swat his arm.

Racter crushed the cigarette against the table, before grabbing the bowl to eat. Since he had tampered with his implants, the taste was sweeter than it should be, which did help him stomach some of Gobbet's meals before. This time was different, obviously, given that there is a lack of mysterious items and bones in this soup.

"I assume you've been doing some changes with that implant of yours, so I won't bother asking how it tastes..." Capricious had already poured her own bowl and sat beside Racter. "I'm just glad you're eating."

He let out a grunt in response, which made her smirk.

Capricious couldn't help but feel rather comfortable as they ate together in silence. It was like her meals with Raymond and Duncan, whenever they weren't fighting. This sense of peace of being with someone she cared for deeply. It made her wonder if she could have everyone sit together at the same time to eat.

But Racter doesn't seem to be the type to eat with a group, and Gaichu's diet would no doubt make everyone else uncomfortable, knowing that he is a cannibal.

A heavy sigh escaped from her once she finished her meal.

It can't be helped, she thought.

"Are you done?" Racter asked, to which she replied with a nod. He got up with both of their bowls to place it in the sink. "Thank you for the meal, my friend."

His words made her heart flutter with joy and curled her lips into the widest smile she could muster. "It's no problem, Racter. So... do you still want to go shopping?"

"I suppose so... once I'm done cleaning the bowls."

"Awesome."

In the middle of shopping at a convenience store, a random thought popped in Capricious' head as she eyed Racter. "Oh no..." she whispered.

He turned to her with a raised brow. "What's wrong, my friend?"

Her cheeks turned red as she cleared her throat. "S-sorry... I... just remembered something...”

"Oh? What is it, if I may ask?"

Capricious wanted to tell him about her conversation with Duncan the other day, but some part of her felt too embarrassed to talk about in public. Still, it would be best to say it anyway, and then laugh it off, right? No need to feel awkward about something that will never come true. "It was... a conversation I had with my brother... about marriage. Like, what if... you and I get married..." She forced out a laugh as she picked up a packet of bubblegum. God, if only she could eat the entire thing right here and now, so she couldn't talk about it anymore, she thought.

"Married..." Racter repeated, while Koschei clicked his limbs beside Capricious' foot. "There is something... amusing about it... but, nothing that would benefit me in any way."

"Yeah..." she huffed out with a half-hearted smile. "That's what I'd thought." Though he found it "amusing," some part of her felt disappointed, but not surprised at his answer. "You're a workaholic, so it made me laugh when he first brought it up. But... it did make me wonder about something... like... what if your life turned out different or something."

"First of all, my friend, you should not be wasting time thinking about what-ifs, and focus on the present. Second, I'd thought I made my point about our relationship with that mark on your thigh, or did it slip from your mind?"

Capricious blinked. "Wait..." She looked up at him with narrowed eyes. "So it wasn't just payback for sleeping with Lucky Strike? That it is actually supposed to mean that you've 'claimed' me?"

"That was the original intention." His shifted his gaze to look at her from the corner of his eyes, as his lips curled into a smile.

Capricious pursed her lips into a thin line, then started to chuckle as she felt her cheeks grow hot. "Oh... wow..." she breathed out with a laugh. "I... Hm. Wait... so... if you were there with Lucky Strike and me... why didn't you stop me from staying with her?"

"Because I'd consented." He shrugged. "You were eager to get to know her, and even though I was aware of what could happen, I had strongly believed that she wouldn't harm you. The only thing that irritated me was the messages that she sent to me afterward, telling me that she would like to steal you away and such." Koschei started to bump into Capricious gently, pushing her towards Racter. "That mark is a reminder that no matter what, you were mine."

A lot of thoughts, and emotions, ran through Capricious. Anger, confusion, anxiety, and the most overwhelming of all, excitement. Her body shuddered at the thought of being Racter's, and only his, but something bothered her. "If... that's the case... then... I should do the same thing to you..." she whispered to him. "Make a mark to let others know you’re mine..."

Racter grinned as he patted her back. "You've already had, my friend," he replied quietly. "Your claws are quite sharp, just so you know."

Capricious hummed in pleasant surprised, then giggled. "Ah, right... I suppose that could count. Well, anyway!" She cleared her throat as she put back the packet of bubblegum. "I suppose that's that... Now, let's go get some more tofu, while we're here."


	19. [Good Enough]

Satisfying was one way to describe their trysts, but it wasn't exactly the right word either to Capricious. Euphoric, pleasant, or just down right amazing doesn't exactly fit either, even though these words came up many times before. A soft sigh left her lips as she rubbed her cheek against Racter's chest.

A chuckle rumbled from within. "Are you happy, my friend?" he asked while he ran his fingers through her hair.

Happy, she thought. Even though there could be another word to nail down her exact emotion, he was only asking her a question. Nothing more, nothing less. "Definitely," she answered.

"Good."

Capricious smirked as she shut her eyes. Maybe “happy” is just good enough.


	20. [Stressed]

By the times the fabricators powered down, Capricious descended the stairs, hoping that Racter would be free to talk.

“Good evening, my friend,” he greeted her while lighting up a cigarette stick. “What impeccable timing you have.”

“Um... Were you... expecting me?” she replied, slightly taken aback.

“No, not exactly. I just knew you would be coming down to my workshop, once I had finished working for tonight.” He chuckled. “You do seem to be quite aware of my schedule...”

Capricious smirked as she leaned against the railing. “I would say 'sorry,' but-” “We both know you aren't,” he finished, then inhaled the cigarette stick. “Not really.”

She eyed the puff of smoke dancing out of his lips for a moment, pondering on her next choice of words. “I guess... I can't get enough of you...” She took in a deep breath, despite the smell of smoke and burnt steel in the air. “It's... truly a problem.”

Racter eyed her with furrowed brows, while Koschei whirred from underneath the table. He turned to the drone briefly before setting his gaze back on Capricious again with a superficial smile. “And here I had thought we were partners.”

She blinked in confusion, then turned to him while shaking her head quickly in disagreement. “No, no! Nothing like that, Racter! I mean... I'm... Ugh.” Capricious slapped her forehead while taking in another deep breath. “It's just... difficult... to explain. I do enjoy being around you... I like talking to you... but... I feel like I'm becoming a nuisance, to be honest... And... I don't know why, but... things feel... off. Something just feels... wrong? No. Probably... strange, for the lack of a better word.”

The quizzical expression on his face was enough to tell her that he was lost on what she was trying to mean. Even Koschei was silent.

It made her wonder what was going in the drone's system, and if he was thinking the same thing Racter was. Probably about how weird this human woman is, as well as how much of a mess she looks, with her disheveled hair and tattooed face with dark rings under her eyes.

That is what Capricious thinks, at least, whenever she looks at herself in a mirror. “I should just talk to Gaichu instead,” she said while looking towards the ghoul's door.

“It would probably be for the best if you did, my friend.” Racter flicked the cigarette to let the comb of ash fall. “But, I would like to know exactly what's on your mind now, since you've left me confused.”

“What, you can't be left unanswered, Racter?” she questioned.

He simply gave her a smile.

“Okay... fine.” Capricious shut her eyes while taking in another deep breath into her lungs. “I had been feeling rather stressed since this morning... but... there really is no reason for me to feel this way. You know how quiet things have been lately.”

“Boring, to be truthful.”

She let out a snort. “Of course you'd say 'boring'... but, it's probably the best way to really describe how I feel. Bored. I mean, I don't mind that we have not got any jobs for some time lately, but we do need nuyen to get by, you know? But, aside from that, I don't like that my mind has been jumping from one thought to another lately. Like how... insignificant my life is, if it wasn't for being a runner. And that I could die at any time. It makes everything so... bleak.”

Racter gave a low hum as he sucked on the stick. “Sounds rather familiar...”

Capricious paused. “'Bleak'... Right.” Her gaze fell to Koschei as he stayed hidden. “I also have been thinking about the missing year, but... I don't want to talk about that right now.”

“Very well. Continue.”

“Thanks, Racter.” A small smile crept on her lips. “Anyway... I've been feeling... worthless, I suppose. Aside from these jobs, what else can I do, except keep myself busy with personal projects on my computer? Finding new ways to hack and exploit others through the Matrix? These are nothing more than hobbies to entertain me, and besides, we got Is0bel. She is a lot better than me, so... what's the point? I just... I just don't know what I can do to be better. To not feel worthless.”

Capricious struggled to fight back the tears that welled up in her eyes and cleared her throat whenever it cracked.

“I am worthless...” she mumbled. Racter let out a brief laugh, which got a sharp glare from her. “Why are you laughing...?”

“Pardon me, I didn't mean to be rude. I actually have a question, if you don't mind answering,” he replied.

“Uh... okay... Ask.”

“Did you ever go out, my friend, that isn't shopping for supplies, groceries, or when you have to help out one of your friends?”

Capricious paused as she thought about it. “Not... recently, no.”

“Then I believe I have an answer to your problems; You just need to get out of the Dowager Empress.” She looked at Racter with a perked brow while he raised his shoulders with a grin. “And since I'm free, perhaps we could go on a walk together. I may spend most of my time working, but even I need a break every now and again to breathe.”

Once he had finished the cigarette with a deep breath, Racter crushed it against the ashtray on his desk, then reached for his jacket to slip on. “We can't grow or change if we stay stagnant, no matter how hard or how often we work.”

“So you do go outside...” Capricious said as she watched Koschei scuttle out from his spot. “I mean, of course you do, but... I hardly ever see you outside of your workshop.”

“It's not often that I do, my friend,” he returned as he walked past Capricious to walk up the stairs. “Now, let's go, or else, you may miss out on your only chance. I might pay for food as well, if you're feeling peckish.”

“Free food?” she squeaked. “Sure!”

“I'd recommend you stay quiet, or else Gobbet will hear you, and I only have so much nuyen.”

Capricious giggled as she followed Racter up the stairs. “You got it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came up because I started to miss Racter and Koschei, and want more content of them. Decided to try creating some more myself, not just because of this, but also because I want to work on HSH: SL as well, but I feel so... unmotivated/stressed/etc whenever I think about it. The perfectionist inside me can't ever be content. [shrug] Anyway, take it easy folks. <3


	21. [Vague]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION: Sexual implications at the end.

“My friend?” Racter called out to Capricious with a snap of his fingers, making her jump in her seat.

Once it registered to her that she wasn't paying attention to him, shame crept up to her quickly along with a forced smile. “Sorry, Racter,” she said while her eyes drift towards Koschei. “I wasn't paying attention... again...”

He hummed lowly before taking a drag of the cigarette. “Obviously,” he breathed out the smoke. “I can only assume that I'm boring you.”

Capricious turned back to him with a grin. “If you were, I wouldn't be here, Racter.”

“Oh? Then what have you been daydreaming about then, my friend?”

Capricious' smile disappeared as her shoulders slumped. “I... can't help but feel... weird... that there was... an entire year that I had lived through... but missed. All these memories feel so... unreal, I guess, for the lack of a better word. But... the person, 'Bleak,'... I knew them back in prison.” She shut eyes tightly to focus on the images that flashed through her mind. “They were... really there for me the entire time... I remembered them when I spoke to Gaichu about... relationships.”

Smoke blew out from the corner of Racter's mouth as he pulled up his stool towards Capricious. “If you become too focused on the past-” “Then I can't move forward towards a better future,” she huffed. “I know.”

“Correct. So. Do you wish to discuss the past, so we can move on from it?”

Capricious pursed her lips as she opened her eyes to stare into Racter's. “I...” She stopped to take in a deep breath, then answered firmly, “No. Any memories outside of prison aren't clear enough for me to say they are even real. They just feel like... vivid dreams and nightmares. Sure, I can recall how I got some of my scars, but even then, some part of me finds it way too difficult for me to believe it actually happened. And besides, the only person who may be able to understand what I am going through is likely Is0bel, since she had stored her memories away as well.”

“But, if I recall correctly, my friend, she did it willingly, yes? While you, on the other hand, possibly didn't consent?”

She froze up from the word “consent,” which triggered a memory of her being strapped down on a chair, with two people, an unfamiliar face and a familiar one. Their lips moved, but they only whispered to each other, as they stood beside her. Then she felt a pressure against her head where her datajack is, and a sudden jolt shot through her spine, forcing her off her chair with a pained gasp.

Racter caught Capricious, but not without singeing her with his cigarette stick by accident. The burn brought her back to reality, dazed and confused by what she had just remembered. Something that was probably best left in her subconscious, she thought.

“S-sorry...” she said, once she realized that she crushed the cigarette.

Racter hummed lowly as he looked it over, then placed it on his desk. “I can easily get more of those, my friend. You, on the other hand...”

Capricious looked into his eyes silently. “I... am definitely not okay, to be perfectly honest, Racter. My head is pounding, and I feel dizzy... Do you mind if I stay here? Until the room stops spinning that is.”

“I have work to do, my friend.”

“Ah, right... right...” With a deep breath, and Racter's help, Capricious slowly got back on her feet. She tried to walk away, but nearly stumbled onto the floor again, if it wasn't for him holding onto her.

Knowing how unwell she truly is, Racter decided it would be best to let her rest, until he could tell her brother to come downstairs. Of course, Duncan asked him what had happened, to which he told him the truth, before he picked Capricious up and brought her to her room. At least it seemed that the orc believed him.

  
  


A few days had gone by since that conversation. The workshop was rather quiet, which made Capricious wonder if something was wrong, as she stepped down the stairs. Before she could say a word, Koschei skittered out from underneath the table to click his limbs against her feet. “Hey, hey, hey!” she yelled at the drone while dancing around him. “Stop that! Bad Koschei!”

“Good to see you're doing well, my friend,” Racter spoke up, while keeping his eyes on the blue screen above him. “And treating Koschei like a dog, as usual.”

She giggled once Koschei trapped her against the railing with his limbs spread out to her. “I had slept pretty damn well last night... after dealing with some nightmares the past couple of days.” She ran her fingers over the drone's chassis before gently pushing him off her to approach the rigger. “I just wanted to tell you, I'm sorry about what happened that night.”

Racter looked away from the screen to face Capricious with a smirk. “There is nothing to apologize for. Whatever I'd say clearly triggered something, but what, I'm not entirely sure. If you wish, I don't mind discussing it, as it may help me understand what happened.”

“I'm... not entirely sure if I can, Racter,” she sighed as she crossed her arms. “I mean, I don't really want to... There has to be a reason why I didn't have my memories of my time during Berlin, or anything outside my time in prison. I remembered Bleak and my ex... my surgery and treatment... the things I could only learn there... What they allowed me to learn... And honestly, I'd rather stick with what I know is true, instead of these vague 'memories.'”

“Is that so? Then what are you going to do instead, my friend?”

Capricious paused as she fiddled with her goggles. “I... want to live in the present... and focus on the future. Move on from everything that I had suffered through, and just do jobs, like normal. I also want you to teach me more about drones, too... Give me some advice on what to do with Buddy II, and if there are any upgrades you recommend for my arm.

“I also want to have tea with Gaichu, and talk about philosophy and history. I want to laugh with Gobbet over meals with questionable recipes. I want to learn from Is0bel, if she wishes to teach me of course... and... I want to spend more time with Duncan. All in all... I just want to live in the present.”

Racter hummed as he spun his chair around to face Capricious. “So, what are you going to do with the memories of your missing year?”

“Write them down, actually... and study them when I can. Maybe you can help me? If you want to of course.”

Koschei clicked his feet against the metal, while Racter tapped his fingers against his desk. “If I can, I certainly don't mind helping you, Capricious.”

“Well, you don't have to promise me that you'll help me. I think I could go to Lucky Strike instead, for more information, but... I don't know if she still is in Heoi...”

“I won't stop you from going to her for help, my friend. I only hope that she won't woo you into bed again.”

Capricious chuckled. “I'd think our one night stand is enough to satisfy me... even though I don't remember what happened...”

Racter huffed as he pulled out his PDA. "She does, and honestly, I would prefer if she didn't brag about how... 'pleasant' it was. It only serves to irk me, more than anything. But that mark on your thigh will be a reminder to her that _I_ am the one who had claimed you."

A shudder rippled through Capricious' body as he talked about how he “claimed” her so casually, and made her abdomen tingle. The thought of being his, and only his, was exhilarating, though “dangerous,” but she did trust him enough to know her limits. “I see. Well, thank you for telling me that... but you left me feeling awfully _hungry,_ Racter...”

Racter snickered as Koschei gently bumped against Capricious' legs. “I don't have time on my hands to entertain you myself, my friend...”

“Pity,” she purred. “Well, I guess spending time with Koschei is better than nothing. Such a cute drone and all.”

“Then strip my friend, if you want to do it now, before I resume my work.”

Capricious giggled as she got up from her chair. “All right...”


	22. [On The Deck]

Capricious couldn't help but laugh as she and Racter came to a stop after a dance. Once she calmed down with a sigh, she looked up at him with a smile. “Impressive,” she said as she pushed herself away. “I'd thought you'd have two left feet, but you blew my expectations away, again!”

Racter pulled out a cigarette to light it up. The way the fire burned made his snow like irises shimmer with red, making Capricious' heart skip a beat. His lips curled slightly once he noticed how her pupils dilated. “It's not a hobby I have much interest in, but I took dancing up to test how capable cyber is. Suffice to say, I was pleasantly surprised that I'm just as capable as someone with normal legs. With some further modifications, I was sure it could be even better, which you now see.”

“It’s truly amazing, Racter. I assume you must have some pretty good teachers that taught you too?”

“Yes, I did,” he says while smoke escapes his lips, “but I mostly practiced with people here and there over the years. You learn something new from those with different experiences.”

“I see. Was there anyone you liked dancing with the most?”

He paused to take another drag of the cigarette. “No, to be quite honest. There were only a select few who were interested in continuing to dance with me, but a majority of people turned away once they learned about my equipment.” Racter shrugged, which Koschei mimicked, before skittering off to chase a bug. “And as I've already said, it's not something I do. I only did this to show you what I'm capable of.”

Capricious hummed as she stared at his legs. “Do you mind if I ask you something... personal, Racter?”

“I'll answer depending on the question, my friend.”

She took in a deep breath, before looking towards Koschei as he continued to chase the insect around the deck. “You said before that you didn't feel any different after the incident... but, surely, you must have had trouble walking around with the cyber at first. How did that... go?”

There was a deafening silence between them, making Capricious ashamed to ask such a sensitive topic. Before she could speak, Racter said, “It wasn't an easy process, but I had come to terms with it rather quickly. Traumatic incidents in general can change a person drastically, which is something you went through yourself, no?”

She had a difficult time swallowing before she could say, “Yes.” Capricious quickly cleared her throat as she shook off the memories of her time in prison and that night in the Walled City. “I can't help but think about how I am still alive sometimes... I don't even know if I should count myself extremely lucky, or unlucky with everything I've been through.”

Racter hummed, then turned to Koschei once he squashed the bug behind a crate. “Well, you're still alive, my friend, so I'd believe you are a very fortunate individual. I suppose I should also be thankful that life has put you here in Hong Kong, because your illness gave me a lot to think about.”

Capricious blinked and slowly turned towards Racter with a frown. “What do you mean by that?”

He chuckled briefly as he inhaled the cigarette deeply. “To say the least, I'm curious if it's possible to give you an artificial womb, my friend. Have you not heard about similar procedures before? That doctors have looked into replacing the uterus?”

A shudder went down her spine as she gave a hesitant nod. “I've heard, but I really, really don't want a uterus, Racter, regardless of what it is. Besides, I have no interest in having children either, which I know I told you before!”

“I am aware, yes, but the possibility of such things is rather important for my goal, my friend.”

Capricious gave him a look as she inclined her head slightly. “I'd rather let you tune up my arm, Racter, instead of messing with my insides.”

He chuckled briefly as Koschei returned to his side with the bug stuck in his limb. “I promise you, I shall not force you into anything that you are uncomfortable with, my friend, and I will not put you through any procedures without your consent.”

“For real?”

Racter took in one last drag of the cigarette, before dropping it on the ground for Koschei to crush. “Yes.”

Capricious pressed her tongue against her cheek as she stared at him in silence, then breathed out a scoff. “Good. Now then, how much nuyen do I owe you again, Racter?”

“About twenty thousand.”

That made her squeal in pain as if her insides curled in on themselves all of a sudden. “Fair enough...” she sighed.


	23. [Desperation]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing's hard when ya got writer's block, but still wanna write. I'm trying to finish HSH:SL but that's even harder. Ugh. Anyway, this is just something self indulgent. Yeah.

There are always risks to taking the initiative, and perhaps it's not always smart to do it in public either, but out of desperation, Capricious reached out to Racter to pull him close for a kiss and pushed him against a wall, away from sight from the others. Koschei beeped in alert, and would have pinned Capricious down, if it wasn't for Racter restraining the drone almost immediately.

The kiss wasn't out of hunger or intimacy, but rather fear, from the way her lips trembled against his. The rigger allowed her to stay close for a moment, until she pulled back and buried her face into his chest. Once she had calmed down enough to let go, she thanked him, and turned to find the others in the large crowd before them.


	24. [Empanada]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nostalgia over a simple meal.

The smell of fried food in the air stirred Duncan awake. It's different from the usual scent of questionable ingredients mixed together in a hotpot that comes from the upper deck. Actually, it was rather familiar.

Vague memories of Raymond in the kitchen came to mind, with Carmen standing beside him over a stove, flipping over something – food? – with a spatula.

The ork yawned as he planted his feet on the floor and stretched out his body. After a minute of sitting and getting his bearings, he washed himself in the shower and put on a fresh set of clothes. As he turned the corner into the living room, he caught Capricious humming to herself as she picked up something from a pan to a plate.

She jumped slightly from the sight of Duncan, then laughed to herself. “Empanada con carne, or con pollo?” she asked.

“What?” he asked back with a raised brow. Duncan isn't that unfamiliar with Spanish, but he never thought to hear his sister speak it so naturally.

“Oh, sorry,” she giggled while unplugging her ear phones and stuffed them into her pockets. “I just sorta remembered that Raymond was helping me cook when we were kids, so I wanted to give it a shot again... But, I kind of forgot how to cook empanada, so I downloaded a guide... It was in Spanish...” Capricious shrugged then turned to the plate of cooked rolled up bread. “Do you want beef or chicken?”

Duncan blinked a few times at the sight, now having a clearer picture of his childhood memory. He recalled how often she yelped from pain when oil splashed onto her skin, but never stopped cooking. There were also a couple of burnt pastries that Raymond wasn't happy with, since it was a waste of food, but compared to other problems Carmen has caused before, that was the least of his worries.

The last time they ate them together was during a late afternoon, when the sun was setting over the horizon, and the sky was a bright orange. It painted the kitchen in a vibrant color, as they bit into their meals quietly. It was oily, but not bad.

It also reminded Duncan that he had a hard time choosing which one was the best one. They both were good to him. However, since it's been years, he finds it difficult to make a choice at all.

“Duncan?” Capricious called out, snapping him out of memory lane.

He cleared his throat before quickly picking one up and sunk his teeth into the crisp bread. The taste of beef, oil, and vegetables slapped him back into his childhood, butting heads with Carmen over the last empanada, only for Raymond to pick it up so they could stop giving him a headache.

“Well?” Capricious looked at Duncan with a curious expression.

He only just bit it, he thought, before he proceeded to eat it completely. “At least this one isn't burnt,” he said.

She shook her head with a snort. “At least you ate it, so that's something.” Capricious sighed as she picked one of herself. “I plan to share these with the rest of the crew... except for Gaichu, for obvious reasons.”

Duncan quickly picked up another to eat out of fear that Gobbet would eat it all. “Thanks, Carmen,” he huffed then walked away. “It's good...” he muttered under his breath, out of ear shot.


	25. [Stay Awake]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From a prompt on my tumblr, thanks to Wunjotheorc! Go check out their Ao3, because they have some pretty good stories!

“ ... awake,” someone shouted, forcing Capricious to stir, only to flinch from pain.

“ Stay...” they repeated, shortly followed by a thud that forced her head to jolt to her left.

Everything was dark, she noticed, and the voices sounded like they were far away. It was like someone waking her while shaking her in her slumber, but she knew better. Capricious knew that she wasn’t lying on her bed in the Dowager Empress.

The last thing she could remember was gunshots, whip lashes, shouting, then - nothing.

“ Wake up!” they continued to yell at her.

That is easier said than done, she thought, as she fought to open her eyes. Her entire body felt burned and heavy, as if the weight of the world was suddenly pressed against her. It felt so overwhelming, that she wanted to give herself to it and no longer move. Let her mind drift off into that darkness.

But Raymond would be disappointed in her, she thought. He would be yelling at her for giving up over something so “trivial”. Well, what does that old man know about what’s “trivial” and what’s not?

She suffered through hell and back during the past several years, while he spent his time running away from his past entirely. Capricious could feel her lungs burn as she fought to open her eyes.

“ Get the hell up, Capricious! I swear to God, I am going to toss you into a dumpster if you’re dead!” Duncan yelled, which was enough to pull her out of that darkness with a roar of anguish.

“ You shut up, dumbass!” she shouted at him.

“ Oh, Seattle, you’re awake!” Gobbet chuckled, before she continued to mend her wounds as best as she could.

For a brief moment, the world shook, at least, it seemed like it to Capricious, until she realized she was in a moving van. She tried to turn, but flinched again, this time hissing in pain from what she could assume were pieces of shrapnel on her back. Ah right, there was an explosion, she realized. “Welp,” she sighed, “that run went to drek, didn’t it...”

“ Yep...” Gobbet sighed. “But hey, at least you’re alive!” She forced out a chuckle.

Capricious smirked, despite how much pain she was in. “Yeah...” She looked down at her cybernetic arm, now torn apart from the blast. “I guess...” That is going to cost quite a bit of nuyen to repair, which made her cry internally.

Not to mention the entire medical treatment itself.

\---

Four hours after a surgery at the clinic, Duncan brought Capricious back to the Dowager Empress. She was incredibly drowsy due to the painkillers that Ambrose pumped into her, but she didn't want to go to sleep.

In fact, she was scared of it.

“ I... nearly died,” she huffed with watery eyes. “I'm-... I-...!”

Duncan took her hand into his to give them a tight squeeze. “Don't worry, Carmen, I'm here for you. Just get some rest, and you will be better.”

“ But-” “Stop it!” he spoke in a harsh whisper. “Trust  _ me _ for once.”

Capricious could only sigh as she tried to tighten her own grip. “Fine... Just... don't let go...”

Duncan nodded his head and looked straight into her eyes before she shut them. She trembled and jolted a few times, but eventually fell asleep, still holding onto him.

“ Is Seattle...?” Gobbet asked as she poked her head inside the room.

“ She's sleeping,” Duncan answered.

“ Are you going to sleep in here then? I'll bring your bed.”

“ I'd appreciate it, Gobbet. She probably won't remember, but this isn't the first time she asks me to hold her hand before she goes to sleep.”

Gobbet nodded her head then went to Duncan's room to collect his bed, sheets, and pillow to place on the floor next to Capricious. “Good night, Gun Show.”

“ Good night,” he returned, before he let go of his sister to lay down on the mattress. Once Gobbet left the room, Duncan reached out for Capricious' hand again. “You’re a serious pain in the ass, Carmen...” he muttered fondly with a brief chuckle.


End file.
